Love is good, communication is better: if you prevent these five communication pitfalls, your relationship will be much better.
Good, constructive communication is the alpha and omega of any healthy relationship. But of course nobody will be a real communication professional from now on and no master has fallen from the sky! On the contrary, proper communication is a lifelong process that requires a lot of patience and self-reflection. But sometimes you are not aware that you are communicating incorrectly or ambiguously. No matter how experienced or how great your relationship seems to be, everyone makes mistakes and there is always the opportunity to improve and develop. If you can avoid even one of these 5 communication errors over time, then we’ve already achieved something positive:
Error number 1: You set no limits.
Your partner can not guess your limits, you must be able to articulate them with your voice. Even if it feels a bit cold to say what disturbs you, it is nevertheless very important for a successful communication. Does it bother you if your partner appeals to you in an argument with swear words? Or you are breathing? Then you tell him that calmly, but clearly: “I know you are tired, but that’s no reason to be rude to me!” If you set no limits to your partner, then you set no rules for the general togetherness and leave the handling almost to chance.
Error number 2: They are getting loud.
You do not automatically have to be loud just because they are arguing! Of course, there are also couples who have to argue loudly, that too is okay, as long as the deal remains respectful. If you can not stand the sound and it actually bothers you, then you have to communicate that as well. A simple one: “I never want to be so loud again in a dispute” can work wonders. If you never tell your partner that you are intimidating his screaming, then he can not know it.
Error number 3: They do not communicate specifically enough.
This is certainly the biggest communication problem and ensures the majority of all disputes. Either we do not express ourselves clearly, get angry and misunderstood, or we do not express ourselves clearly and get angry because we do not get what we really want. If we expect romance, we have to ask for romance! If we expect the bathroom to be cleaned, we have to ask for it and not just expect it to be done. Our partners are not mind readers and the clearer we express ourselves, the less strife there is. Sometimes it can be that easy …
Error number 4: withdraw completely.
Many people simply can not talk or express themselves when angry or hurt. They need time to organize their thoughts, to settle down and articulate themselves. As long as they do that at some point, it’s good. But if they always swallow everything and put it off, then step by step all the frustration builds up – until it comes to the big explosion. Even if it’s hard for you, you need to learn to talk about things that upset you.
Error number 5: You are not listening.
Successful communication is not a one-way street! It is not only important that you can express yourself well, but also that you can listen when it matters. Your partner wants to feel heard and understood. Also, if you disagree with your partner, listen to him or he will feel ignored and disrespected. Therefore, actively listen, ask if you do not understand something. And when your partner is done, and you still can not agree with him, tell him that – in a respectful way, of course.